Cultivating Resilience in Troublesome Times
If there was one thing that is needed during this global pandemic, second only to a vaccine, it is resilience. Even with the good news about three vaccines, as I write this at the one year mark of the lock down, by all measures it seems as if we have more challenges ahead. More isolation. More economic hardships. More loss of those we love. More fear about our own health and that of our loved ones.
Resilience is a paradoxical concept. I have always been fascinated yet never understood why some people were more resilient than others. Why some children raised in terrible situations would rise above and thrive. Why some adults, seemingly with a solid foundation and ample resources crumbled at the first whiff of adversity. Why some can take heartbreak and find the hope within and others only can see the darkness. Why adversity breaks some and strengthens others.
Luckily, scientists and psychologists have been wondering the same thing. And thanks to them, in this time that requires great resilience from each of us, we can learn from their gleanings.
First a definition. Resiliency is the ability to recover quickly from difficulties. To bounce back. To not allow hardships to stretch you to a breaking point or to become dysfunctional or disillusioned or bitter or calloused.
There are seven skills associated with resiliency. I take heart in the fact they are skills because skills can be learned. There may be variations in our degree of aptitude with each, but each of us can improve our ability to be resilient in ways that will serve us well in the next six months as well as the rest of our lifetime.
Here are the seven resilience skills:
1. A belief in your ability to cope
2. Staying connected with your sources of support
3. The ability to talk to others about what you are going through
4. Helping others
5. Activating positive emotion
6. Cultivating an attitude of survivorship
7. Seeking meaning
Whoa you might say! Many of these appear to be beliefs and attitudes and not skills. And yes, that is true. But what is also true is that there are many things we can do to shape our beliefs and attitudes.
For example, our belief in our ability to cope is bolstered when we put thought into past adversities and make note of what we have done to get through them. Noticing that we have gotten through tough stuff before and identifying what we did to cope strengthens our belief in our ability to cope, no matter what life throws at us.
This list has helped me move from moping around to taking positive actions. I’ve made a conscious effort to reach out to those who I care about, even if I can’t be face to face with them. I have found ways each day to do something that puts me a better mood, even if it is as small as a 15-minute walk outdoors. I’ve spend time pondering what this situation is teaching me about myself and the way I want to live my life.
I encourage you to take a hard look at this list of 7 skills. For they just may be your lifeline in the next 7 months. They can make a huge difference in the quality of your life and the lives of those you touch now and far into the future.
For trust me, I do believe we will get through the pandemic. And I equally believe that each of us will face other situations that are deeply challenging — and the more we have developed skills in resiliency, the better!
